DethChatter

We're BACK

2008-09-14T08:46:00.002-05:00

Hey, losers. Bonesaw and I put a pause to our year-long metal binge-fest to start recording music again. We rented a bulldozer and pushed aside the wreckage of guitars, chicks, and dreams of accomplished goals and found ourselves long enough to Jam for a few hours.

Something got recorded. We might have lost it in a pool of blood, but I think it is around here somewhere.

We used some chicken bones and scalps to come up with a calendar. Release date for some new shiz to tha biz is sometime Novemeber.

We hate you all,

Stinkbait.

I went to Hell and all I got was a stomped foot

2008-01-14T19:43:00.000-06:00

Hey, fockers. Bonesaw and I went to see a death metal concert the other night in Austin with our much uglier and lesser-talented friend. I don't like to name names, so let's just say his first name started with "P" and the end of it sounded like "eet".

The swirling pit of moshing bodies pulled me in like a tractor beam. I could not resist. It called to me, "Satan loves you. Come join us in our descent to Hell!" I asked my smokin' hot ho to hold my iguana skin jacket and jumped in.

It wasn't long before I got pushed to the floor and the lustrious lure became more of an annoying shriek like Dustin Hoffman in Rainman screaming because the fire alarms were going off in his house. Then my left shoe flew off.

I escaped with my life, but not my shoe. Bonesaw scoped it with his scopes a while later and jumped in to rescue it.

I got home with a big boot print on the top of my left foot.

Metal.

News Update

2008-01-12T10:02:00.000-06:00

Well it appears we are huge in Japan. We have been contacted by a promoter over there and we have booked a good number of shows. Stinkbait and myself are very excited. Unfortunately this slows down progress of recording our first CD but a tour is necessary at this point. We need dough... we need lots of dough. World domination isnt cheap. From what I hear, we will be in some very rural parts of Japan so internet connectivity may be limited. I guess we'll post when we can. To our Japanese fans... PREPARE TO HAVE YOUR ASS ROCKED!!! Apparently taking over the world starts with JAPAN!

Just Jamming and Writing the Shiz

2008-01-03T19:01:00.000-06:00

Random ideas come to mind when i jam. I try to take the feelings I have inside. All of the pent up agression. All i the things I see on a daily basis gets digested. Sometimes the feelings come to the surface and honestly it's very painful. It often brings tears to my eyes. But it's good... it has to happen. If all of the people in the world could just find a way to express themselves in this it would be a better place for all of us to live. So now I offer to you my inner most sound... the sound that comes deep from within. It's a sound that is my own... nobody has a sound quite like it. It is BONESAW!!

2008 - The Year of DethChatter

2008-01-01T12:10:00.000-06:00

The last 2 months of 2007 was merely the beginning. When you look back at 2008, you will witness the DethChatter machine as it grows to superhuman strength. We will be unstoppable and all will chant our names... DETHCHATTER!! BONESAW!!! DETHCHATTER!! STINKBAIT!! DETHCHATTER!! We all shall gather and rejoice as we... the DethChatter nation... rises against all obstacles that stand in our way and we shall reign the EARTH!! ALL HAIL DETHCHATTER!!!

Next Step To Ruling The World

2007-12-29T09:26:00.000-06:00

The follow up to the critically acclaimed "My Mask Now" is HERE!!! It is merely the next step in our attempt to take over the world. No lyrics yet to this rocking tune but I am sure when Stinkbait and myself get together... it'll be brutal. So without any more delay please enjoy what the riffage of the world's next most brutal song.

So like I said no lyrics yet. If you crazy bastards have any ideas that you think would fit... offer them up. If we choose your lyrics... we might send you something like a pair if my underwear... unwashed... autographed with shit stains from my ass!!

BIG NEWS!

2007-12-26T19:32:00.000-06:00

So we are making this thing into a podcast and we needed a picture. So I whipped one up real quick!! THIS IS METAL!!! This is just the next step towards world domination. All will bow to our metal prowess. We hate you all!!

Merry Dethmas!!!

2007-12-22T01:49:00.000-06:00

I made this for you!! Here is the holiday song i promised. Merry Dethmas you crazy motherfu#%ers!!

We wish you a Metal Dethmas;
We wish you a Metal Dethmas;
We wish you a Metal Dethmas and a Crappy New Year.

DethChatter we bring to you and your kin;
DethChatter for Dethmas and a Crappy New Year.

Oh, bring us a figgy pudding;
Oh, bring us a figgy pudding;
Oh, bring us a figgy pudding and a pint of good beer

We won't go until we get some;
We won't go until we get some;
We won't go until we get some, so bring some out here

We wish you a Metal Dethmas;
We wish you a Metal Dethmas;
We wish you a Metal Dethmas and a Crappy New Year

Bonesaw Eats Rabbit Turds

2007-12-20T22:33:00.000-06:00

look here, barfgurgler. i know that you're basking in the money you got from that lawsuit from drinking a Dr. Pepper full of lye, but the Stinkbait's gotta werk for a living. My boss is yelling at me, and I say "HEY, F U AND ALL THIS WORKING AT THE ARTIFICIAL PLANT PLANT!!!" I quit and got a job makin' pizza rolls, but it just aint the same sweet chemical high as making 500 fake hibiscus from a bucket of petroleum distillate. Lay off the StinkyB or I'll be forced to make the best guitar solo ever and take all the credit. You know it can happen!

Dimebag Darryl was my great-grandfather. Yeah, I said it. What? What you gonna do 'bout it? Nuthin, that's what.

Chasing Rabbits

2007-12-18T21:23:00.000-06:00

Still working on some new stuff for ya'll. I've done 3 guitar solos but Stinkbait keeps rejecting them. I just cant please the man. But he's making me produce better guitar solos so it's all apart of the creative process. So keep the faith... new shit is coming. As for my wolf he is fine... but the donkey escaped. I saw the wolves chasing rabbits earlier so i am sure they got to eat.

Heavy F'n Metal \m/

2007-12-16T11:07:00.000-06:00

So we got busy this weekend. Working on two new offerings for your headbanging pleasure. One has a holiday theme to it the the other is the official "next song" from DethChatter. And just to update... The donkey isnt dead yet. It kicked the shit out of one of my wolves. In fact the i am not sure if the wolf is gonna make it. It has a broken leg, 4 broken ribs, and some kind of liquid substance coming from his ears. He's at the vet right now. Now that's metal!

New Melodies

2007-12-14T07:17:00.000-06:00

So ive got this melody in my head... it goes like this... Duh duh duh DUH!!! And the vocals kick in OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!! It'll sound cool... i guarantee that. I brought in this donkey for my wolves to tear up and eat. I am not sure the donkey knows it yet but his ass is grass. I am not feeding the wolves so eventually they'll get hungry enough and figure it out. Now that's METAL!! Dethmas is coming!!

My Mask Now - officially done

2007-12-10T21:50:00.000-06:00

Well i'd like to take this opportunity to present to you "My Mask Now." It's the highly anticipated single from the one and only DethChatter. This completes the first step of world domination. You have seen this band start from the beginning. An idea, that couldve just been. But Stinkbat and myself... we have the guts, the testicular fortitude if you will, the drive, the passion, and the know how... to make it real. So i present to you this first song. Now being the masterpiece that it is... the idea has crossed my mind. I asked myself... why continue?? Why not go out on top?!?! Because that's the pansy way out! We WILL continue. We WILL dominate the world. We WILL be the biggest metal band to ever walk the Earth!! More badass tunes yet to come. For the idiots that cant understand the words as we regurgitate them, below are the lyrics to the song.

"My Mask Now"

I'm a little coon
With my little mask.
I wash my dinner in the stream
It's my little raccoon task.
It's a tasty piece of meat

My mask now its my mask now
My mask now its my mask now
My mask now its my mask now

Stole from campsite number three
While that man took a pee
Put it to my little raccoon teeth.
feel something is coming for me

My mask now its my mask now
My mask now its my mask now
My mask now its my mask now

I'M A GIANT GATOR
Raccoon hater
Your worst nightmare
All up in my shit
Gonna get bit
Waiting on some poon
Gonna eat that coon
My mask now

My mask now its my mask now
My mask now its my mask now
My mask now its my mask now
MY MASK NOW!!

Jesus Beards

2007-12-09T22:27:00.000-06:00

As Bonesaw said, we conducted plenty of research this weekend. Probably the most important research ever in the history of Metal. What did we discover? You ain't metal unless you got a Jesus Beard.

Tattoos are old news, safety pins all up in your grill were so 2004, and black clothing is simply a uniform. If you want to show that you live and breathe drop C tuning and smashing your forehead into a Camero dashboard while giving the devil sign with both hands, you gotta do it right. Doing it right means growing a long, thick, blowing-in-the-wind beard.

You have to look like you are an absolute fanatic, and nothing says, "I've been hiding in the woods and practicing my power chords and pinch harmonics whilst shunning all of mankind for 10 years," like a rug growing off your face that looks like it's got more woodland creatures living in it than the Appalachian Exhibit at the Knoxville Zoo.

So, how do you pull off this look when you aren't at a concert or band rehearsal? When somebody smirks and asks why you have such a crazy beard, just look them dead in the eyes and coldly say "I was raised by serial killers." Then invite them home for dinner. They'll leave you alone after that.

Metal Up Your ASS!!

2007-12-09T19:28:00.000-06:00

As you guys know you cant rush perfection. So that explains the delay of the final stamp of approval. We are tweaking here and there and finishing touches. From now on there will be no more predictions or promises. It'll be done when it's done. With that being said... there is something else that explains the delay of of completion of what will be known as the one that started it all. The beginning of our world dominance. Stinkbait and I grabbed some friends and decided to do some research. We needed to Rock and F'n Roll. So we did. We went to see some of our favorite bands over the weekend and the whole thing was epic, Lamb of God, Killswitch Engage, Devildriver, and Soilwork. It was amazing and and the whole thing served as a reminder of what we have to do. We were put here to rock your ass. And that's what we are gonna do... ROCK... YOUR... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASS!

Make Computers Your Slaves

2007-12-06T19:44:00.000-06:00

We've added our first female vocalist to the band. She is made of bits and sometimes bytes, but we will keep her around. Her name is Hilda.

How to Succeed in Evil

2007-12-05T21:37:00.000-06:00

How? Work hard! I ground my voice to dust and worked my fingers to the bone tonight. Computers and hardware are real sons of bitches, but I'm on the right track. I got a USB adapter to plug the guitar right into the computer. Skipping the Amp entirely.

Guitar -
American Fender Telecaster > Blues Driver BD-2 pedal > Lightsnake USB adapter > HP Pavillion > Audacity.exe.

Voice -
Foam mic head over an Olympus WS-300M > Line out cable > HP Pavillion > Audacity.exe > slight echo and bass boost effect.

Important note - NO PITCH CHANGING EFFECTS USED! That's pretty freakin' metal to get it that low.

Here's using the settings above -

And here's using the guitar with the mic near an open air amp (Fender Frontman Reverb) -

Still lots of work to be done. Need a metal pedal instead of a Blues Driver, and just made up lyrics for testing.

(Special thanx to Arch Enemy for providing music while I beat the shee00t out of my PC when drivers kept failing.)

@#$%ing CENSORED!

2007-12-05T19:02:00.000-06:00

Well, the time has come. We have gotten too popular with the masses and now we are being faced with the enemy of all mankind - CENSORSHIP! The only thing more evil than bone-crushing death metal is Corporate Management. Believe me, they can make your life hell.

Those Bastards on Floor 95 have noticed our crushing chords and started pressing up in our business. If Deth Chatter is to live on, we have to tone it down just a bit. You can't make an omelet without crushing some skulls, so we said "@#$% OFF!" Then we thought better about it and said "fine." And "Sorry for bludgeoning a sturgeon on your conference table."

I (StinkBait) went back and edited out all the worst (best) parts of the blog and replaced them with either "@#$%" or "(BLEEP!)" I hope it makes you happy. Or dead.

Toodles!

Almost Done

2007-12-05T08:28:00.000-06:00

I am putting the final touches on what will soon be known to the masses as "My Mask Now." Stinkbat has already started to write song 2. It sounds cool so far. I gotta go... the wolves are chasing of one of my girlies. While it's comical she's pretty hot and i'd hate to see her get mauled. Scarred faces are not that attractive. But i could let this play out have get really good material for a song idea.

Lick My Chops

2007-12-03T22:35:00.000-06:00

I can feel the whole city shaking, buildings collapsing, children running around in agony as Bonesaw is on the other side of town recording his mega-deep vocals for Raccoon Mask. Even though he is deep in his lair, his vocal chords are banging against each other like giant asteroids colliding with dark matter.

Sirens are blaring and chopper blades are wopping as emergency personnel search the rubble for the source of this destruction!

In the meantime, I recorded guitar for Deth Chatter's next huge hit. I tuned the bad bitch down to C, then drop tuned the top string down even further, like I'm smacking Lucifer's Vas Deferens, yos.

Check out the damage -

How Kids Toys Should Look

2007-12-03T19:58:00.000-06:00

I saw this and thought "What maggot kid is playing with my old toys? And did that little shit actually clean all the blood off?"

Inspiration

2007-12-03T08:40:00.001-06:00

As my time to cut my vocals for "Raccoon Mask" approaches, I look for inspiration. I look for something that will really get me going. While going through some things I ran across a picture of one of our biggest fans. It was then that i remembered the reason I do this... ME! But i am glad we have fans to listen. Without ya'll... we'd still be doing this.

StinkBait Vocals Added

2007-12-02T16:30:00.000-06:00

I gargled Draino from a bowl made of a hyena's skull and recorded my part of the lyrics for "Raccoon Mask". After waking up from giving myself rabies shots in the neck, I think we should change the name to "It's My Mask Now". It sounds more evil and evil is good. There's a great effect on the refrain, so make sure you got your headphones on!

If Bonesaw would quit wasting his time (BLEEP!) with a Swingline, he will add his vocals to the mix. BEWARE! Bonesaw's voice sounds like a metal shed being shoved through a wood chipper powered by a top-fuel dragster. This should be good!

DethChatter ROCKS!!

2007-12-02T02:11:00.001-06:00

I am drunk and you all can kiss my ASS!!

This Weekend will be BRUTAL

2007-11-29T21:36:00.001-06:00

Bonesaw and I have all weekend to begin the most important part of recording "Raccoon Mask": More guitars and vocals.

We're talking microphones, laptops, guitars, desktops, amps, guitars, growling, more microphones, growling, and did I mention guitars?

The time is upon us. IT SHALL BEGIN!

Guitars!!

2007-11-28T14:50:00.000-06:00

The song is starting to sound more complete. The guitars have been recorded. There is still room for some tweaking here and there but this is mostly where the song is headed. Up next... vocals. Basically when it comes time to record it will go like this. We will eat about 10 pounds of bean burritos from Taco Bell. Then we will drink Vodka and Whiskey until we start to vomit. Then we will attempt to sing the words to Raccoon Mask as our innards flow forth. Should be entertaining if not brutally METAL!! Enjoy the song in it's current state...

New Drum and Bass Tracks

2007-11-27T10:08:00.000-06:00

So i spent some time down in the dungeon and laid down some new tracks. What i have created is merely the foundation to our first masterpiece. Join us as we manipulate the strings on our guitars, our vocal chords in our thick yet mildly attractive throats, and the skins on the drums... the journey is just beginning. The storm is gaining strength as we speak. And you will be able to stake claim and shout from the highest peak "I WAS THERE FROM THE GENESIS!!" Yes... it is powerful... wait... that was just gas. Inhale the mighty Bonesaw's flatulance... smells good.

Black Friday

2007-11-26T19:45:00.000-06:00

Sounds like the best name for a day - ever. Well, it's not. I was stuck at a relative's house without WiFi, surrounded by a bunch of mealy-mouth mutant munchkins, and then told I had to go shopping for xmas presents. What a load of she0t!

I put on my black shirt and pants, got in my black truck, and went looking for the blackest gift for kids I could think of - Punishment Ponies. I had heard of this toy, something crossed between My Little Ponies and a Marylin Manson punch in the face. Instead of pink, purple, red, yellow, and green little horsies that push sickly-sweet tidings of joy and kindness, every pony is black and actually kicks you in the crotch until you puke.

Long story short, I couldn't find them. I did find this entry about Punishment Ponies in Wikipedia, which reminded me of when my headmaster would whip me with a splintery dowsing rod for being two pence short of a farthing. Ah, memories.

The only joy I truly had on Black Friday was paying a lady to repeatedly bang her shopping cart into Bonesaw's legs. Ha!

@#$%BALLS!!

2007-11-25T21:41:00.000-06:00

It's the first thing that popped into my mind when i thought about describing how i feel right now... @#$%BALLS! I should be getting my new guitar tomorrow. If it werent for the holiday weekend i would have had it already. Getting ready to shred for you @#$%. I am looking forward to making some music for you to get drunk and (BLEEP!) up to!! AHHH YER GONNA DIE!!

Working on the tune

2007-11-24T20:59:00.000-06:00

Been working on Raccoon Mask a little bit. The drum and bass tracks have been re-recorded and remixed. Sounds much better. Guitars should be coming soon as well as vocal tracks. Should be fun to hear how the sound progresses. Now go... and eat more food!! @#$%heads...

Biggest Shopping Day of the Year

2007-11-23T08:44:00.000-06:00

So I got up this morning and went shopping with some of the women that let me eat their Turkeys yesterday. That's a whole different story. So we were at Target (I had to get Guitar Hero III to practice my rock star moves) and this (BLEEP!) kept bumping me with her cart. I mean people everywhere... i cant move and this (BLEEP!) was nudging me with her cart. I was like " WHERE (BLEEP!) DO YOU WANT ME TO GO!!!!" She will rot in hell.

Life is good

2007-11-21T08:26:00.001-06:00

Well it's that time of year. Time to give thanks, time to appreciate all of things that you have. I scan my surroundings and life has been good to me. I see about 5 chicks currently in my lair with about 100 or so more waiting outside. The pack of wolves that patrol my acreage are specifically trained. They have the ability to chase off the ones that arent ideal. As for the ones that are left, I'll get to them in due time dont you worry about that. I see my recording studio over there. My amps. My guitars. Two fridges full of beer. Life is good. I want to take this time to pause and remember 2 people that I have lost within the last year. My cousin Joe-Bob and and Uncle Leonard. They were killed in a freak monster truck mishap. They didnt have enough money to get the good seats so they were at top of the seating area. After they drank about $300 worth of beer they decided to go down to the front row and see the action up close. They were so excited when this one truck that shot flames out of the exhaust pipes appeared. The driver gunned it and lost control of the vehicle. The flames melted Joe-Bob and Uncle Leonard. Happy Thanksgiving everybody!!

Important Decisions

2007-11-20T11:08:00.000-06:00

I need to go shopping for my wolves. I just have one question... Turkey or Ham??

Garlic Pork

2007-11-19T19:33:00.000-06:00

Ate too much Chinese food last night. Took a @#$% this morning that felt like ANGER.

After that, just listened to some Sabbath. Argued with Bonesaw about whether there has ever been harmonica in Death Metal. Has there?

Ok Ok DAMN!!

2007-11-18T13:10:00.000-06:00

(Picture changed to be more PC. You sissies!)

Before you (BLEEP!) me I will correct myself. Stinkbait was right. It is correctly spelled RACCOON. But Stinkbait is still a tool. While I am here I will go ahead and answer the first question that will being going through the minds of our fans around the world. "Why write a song about a raccoon?" My initial reply would be to mind your own @#$% business and go back to your pathetic life... but i decided that some of you may need a visual example as to why raccoons are inspirational. Now take this coon. He is determined, resourceful, intelligent, and will go to any means necessary to get what he wants. Those are good qualities to have and we can all learn something from this coon. Now if that isnt inspiring... please somebody post something that is. I look forward to your repsonses. Til next time pansies...

First of all...

2007-11-18T12:15:00.000-06:00

Stinkbait is a @#$% tool. It's Racoon not RACCOON. And for those who have listened to the track as it is in it's current state... you may be confused. You might say to yourself "That's not death metal?!?!" Well I say go (BLEEP!)!!! We arent finished yet. We are in the middle of the creative process and we will not be pigeon holed!!! Just kick back, have some alcohol of your choice... it'll be metal enough when we are done. Til next time you pansies...

Raccoon Mask Guitar Riff

2007-11-18T07:55:00.000-06:00

I was at Bonesaw's lair the other day, working with him on creating the guitars for Raccoon Mask - our soon to be killer death metal single. Went home, drank half a bottle of Jack, and whipped this bullshit up. It was 4/5ths easier than taking a dump.

Found out later that it is much slower than the base and drums Bonesaw put together on different tracks. WTF? You people are FREAKS!

Here's the bass and drum track -